How to Survive as Group Marketing Director

I have been asked many times about this, most recently by an old colleague who was interested in my advice about whether he should accept a ‘promotion’ to be the new Group Marketing Director, in other words to move into the newly created role. It is tricky. It’s a fancy sounding title but a job that can cause a lot of stress, frustration and disappointment on all sides.

If there is a role for a Group Marketing Director it is normally because there are a number of other executive marketing directors across a group of companies, often, but not always, a multi-national group. So there will be divisional or local CEO’s and Marketing Directors in the mix. What, then, is the job of the Group Marketing Director? This is often very poorly defined and, perhaps as a consequence, has a very unclear degree of authority. I have filled the role twice in my career and worked with many GMD/CMO’s in large corporates during my consultancy days.

My first crack at this came in Unilever, my last position for them – no coincidence. I was the global leader for two product categories working in the centre as part of the staff team for the main board Unilever Director. This was over 20 years ago and Unilever has undergone many evolutions of management structure since then but basically my job was to develop and police a global marketing strategy. There was not much of a brief, my boss was a particularly taciturn man, so I was left to figure out exactly what this meant. Unilever was groping its way towards a global manufacturing strategy starting with Europe and in order to make this possible we had to harmonize – crunch into one shape – the various brands we had in my categories (dishwash, hard surface cleaners and fabric conditioners – very glamorous). This was not a welcome move among the local marketing directors and their bosses. One of them, boss of the French business, explained to his MD that under no circumstances was he to offer me any co-operation or assist in any way. He did this in front of me with a big smile on his face – a smile which faded somewhat when his MD, a good mate of mine, explained to him that I spoke pretty good French and had understood every word.

In fact I found this first role fairly easy. The strategy was not that complicated, the benefits of it were unarguable (several studies had shown that harmonizing the brands and moving to a European manufacturing strategy would double the profits of that division), and all the local marketing directors were my mates. I had recently been one of them, in charge of Spain. So they trusted me and we were able to make a sensible plan. The local bosses were more tricky, as I’ve said, but they all fell in line eventually when it was linked to their bonuses and/or they were replaced with people who were on message. Nevertheless I found the whole experience very boring, especially working in the, then, stultifyingly dull Unilever House. I was a brand marketer – I liked doing things not just talking about things.

My next opportunity to be a Group Marketer came when I was offered the newly created role at SABMiller Plc working for Graham Mackay in London. It carried a seat on the main executive board so there was implied authority to the title Group Marketing Director. However, the brief was still somewhat woolly and to be honest in 4 years I never did get to the bottom of it. I knew what the ‘Barons’ (the CEO’s of the regional businesses) expected, they just wanted a sexual advisor (“we’ll ask for your fucking advice when we want it”) but it conflicted with what I thought my boss and the business needed. Graham is the best CEO I have ever met and the lack of clarity was due not to any indecisiveness on his part. I was the first GMD and the business was evolving very fast on the back of some mega acquisition deals. I ended up doing 4 years in the job, one year more than I had originally agreed to, and in hindsight I wished I had stuck to the original plan. I found the last 18 months thoroughly miserable. It turns out the brief was to ensure the regional businesses raised their game in marketing in a business with predominantly local brands and a highly devolved management ethos. I was effectively the ‘burr in the saddle’ to get them to take marketing much more seriously which they did really well to their credit. My role and that of my team, which had started so well, became one of internal consultants and trainers.

I did not go into SABMiller blind. Before I took the job I consulted a few mates who had been in similar roles and listened to their advice. I even got a very valuable briefing from the great Sergio Zyman, Coke’s famous former CMO. He did the job twice and the second time around he had the sense to negotiate a very clear and powerful board mandate. His word on any aspect of marketing in any part of the world was law. His central marketing team – which he strengthened hugely – had the right to walk in to any Coke market, anytime, anywhere, and ask to see whatever they wanted. If they did not like it  – or Sergio did not like – it got changed.

Maybe that is a bit extreme, but the fact is ‘Group Marketing’ can be the end of a promising career. For it not to be, the issues that make the role so ambiguous need to be tackled.

So here is my formula for a successful Group Marketing Director. It requires getting totally clear on 4 issues:-

1.    What is the brief for Group Marketing – what constitutes success?
2.    How will this be measured?
3.    What’s in it for the local marketing teams – what are the implications?
4.    What’s the mandate – what authority do you have and how will conflict get resolved?

Start with the brief. What is the vision for marketing in the business, what is the agenda? Some vague idea about common standards of excellence and sharing best practice won’t cut it. Precisely what does the board want to achieve?
When that is sorted out you can move on to how it will be measured. What gets measured gets done and even if it can sometimes prove hard to measure precisely some aspects of marketing, there should nevertheless be some objective form of tracking the performance of Group Marketing.

Next, you need to tackle the implications for the local marketing teams. If they are expected to fall in line it must be clear what they get out of this process. If the answer is that they will find their jobs somewhat diminished to just execution then this must be confronted (as I understand it has been in Unilever). And then their bosses need to sign up for this (in my view, literally sign up) and have compliance made part of their bonus & appraisal.

Finally, what authority, in what areas, does the GMD have? If it is just implicit i.e. he reports to the boss and the boss will back him, well that’s something. But better still make it explicit – give the GMD accountability and responsibility. Don’t fudge this – it will always catch you out.

The best situation is, like Sergio, to have a really powerful mandate. The beauty is you then very rarely need to use it. Because every one knows you have the power, you can afford to be conciliatory, to listen, to understand and to be confident that you are having honest conversations. You can decide when to offer exemptions to certain aspects of ‘group marketing policy’. You can be reasonable. The worst situation is not to have a mandate and to behave as if you do. You come across as the typical ‘prick from head office’.

There’s lots more I could explain but I will leave it with these headlines. In my view I, or someone like me, should be used as a kind of coach-come-referee to both the CEO/Board and the Group Marketing Director, an objective but experienced (scarred) person who can offer the occasional voice of reason if the issues become too complex or intractable. But that is just an opinion. If the 4 issues are sorted out well upfront it should not be necessary to have a mediator. I just don’t trust that they ever are.

Finally, what is the difference between a CMO and a Group Marketing Director? In my view the former always has positional power and are responsible and accountable for the following:-
•    The health and growth of the business’ priority brands
•    Raising the marketing capabilities of the whole organization
•    Investing resource to explore new marketing tools and capabilities that will give the business competitive advantage (an example right now for many businesses would be digital marketing).

Is that what you thought a Group Marketing Director did? Then call them the CMO, it always was a better title because it positions him or her alongside the CEO and CFO, and everyone knows what they do.

Year End Performance Reviews

Assuming your company has a calendar fiscal year, right about now you will either be giving or receiving a performance review, or both. Some advice on the year-end appraisals would therefore seem to be timely. The first point to make is that the performance aspect should come as no surprise to the recipient. The results should be transparent throughout the year and the feedback on them continuous. The year-end performance review is not about performance, it is about 2 things, the future and the bonus.

The bonus should not come as too much of a surprise either. In the best bonus systems the majority of the payout is based on a combination of the individual’s and the business’ performance  – see point above. Only a small part should be discretionary based on an objective, but more likely subjective, view of the person being reviewed. This is normally determined by assessing how well they have done versus their peer group and to what extent they have delivered above and beyond the call of duty. Systems that allow someone to get paid more than 100% of their bonus for exceptional service throughout the year are to be recommended.

The most interesting part is the bit where both boss and employee kick back and talk about the future. What has been learnt this year, where have the improvements come? What are the person’s aspirations for the future, are they realistic, what needs to be developed to achieve this? Everyone has their own style but I believe you should always encourage people to dream big and then be supportive but realistic about what stands in the way of those dreams.

People normally get the bonus bit out of the way first and, of course, if this has not gone well this can get in the way of a constructive discussion about the future. What do you do if you have not been given the bonus you think you deserve and you know the business is capable of paying you (no point arguing the toss about your bonus in a business that is going broke, ask the bankers this year)? My advice is to throw it back at the boss (not literally). Imagine you thought you deserved to get 100% bonus or more and you only get 75%. Try this script:-

“Thank you for the information about my bonus. Before I respond can I ask you a question? Presumably when deciding to give me this number you had a point of view on how I was going to react. Do you mind if I ask you what that was?”

Boss will now look very edgy and will mumble a lot of stuff and say as little as possible. Press home the point but in a calm matter of fact way.

“ I am not trying to be difficult, I am just curious. Did you think I would be pleased and feel very motivated about the future, did you think I would be satisfied and want to know about how I could do better next year, did you expect me to be disappointed and just take it on the chin, or did you think something else? You obviously could have given me more and of course you might have given me less, I was just interested to know what effect you thought this bonus would have on me?”

Boss will now either admit they did not give it that much thought or will foolishly choose one of the options you gave them. If it is the latter, you’ve got them whichever option they choose. If they say they thought you’d be pleased you can ask why and put them even more on the defensive. If they say they thought you’d be OK with it, you can say you don’t do ‘OK’ and are surprised they do. If they say they knew you’d be upset you can ask if they were concerned that you might look to leave. At 75% bonus they obviously do not want that (if they did it would have been even lower) and will now really be on the defensive.

At a certain point suggest – again very calmly and in a very matter of fact way, this really unnerves people – that perhaps it would be a good idea to take some time on both sides before discussing further.

This approach stands some chance of getting the bonus changed but a bigger chance that they will be more generous in the future. At the very least it is very satisfying to see your boss squirm. One member of our team has used this – in a previous life I hasten to add – and it worked like a charm. Times were better then, however, so use with caution.

So You Wanna Know About eMarketing?

I have just finished writing my latest eBook, “So You Wanna Know About eMarketing?”. Having a little experience now with writing books, conventional or eBooks, I know this means that I’m about two thirds of the way through the process: one third = research, one third = writing, one third = corrections and rewrites. So I’m not sure I’ll get it posted this side of Christmas. I’ve also committed to writing an article based on the book for Market Leader and that has to be ready for January. This may all get in the way of my planned, long vacation.

Blog posts are much easier so I thought I’d give you a précis of the new eBook just to keep you going. It covers 3 topics:-

What is eMarketing and why is it different?
How to develop an eMarketing strategy
How do eMarketing Agencies work – who (if anybody) should be your lead agency?

In order to get to a definition of eMarketing I marry a definition of marketing (the process of adding value to get people to pay more for your stuff) and a perspective on digital.

In defining digital I stress that it is much more than a ‘New Media’. This is typical old school thinking of the sort that treated the challenge of creating ads for the new media of television in the 1960’s as ‘radio ads with pictures’.

Digital (effectively the internet) is not one thing, it is several – a distribution channel, a communication tool, a medium, a forum, an aggregation mechanism. It is effectively a highly social exchange where everyone transacts with everyone (not just business with customers) and the currency can be shared ideas, attention, information not just money.

So, if marketing is about adding value by business for people, and digital is an exchange where value is created and shared by everyone with everyone then eMarketing is:-

The process of optimizing value for all parties in the digital world.

eMarketers are different because digital is very different in many ways. I go into quite a bit of detail on this but the summary is:-

Users are more impatient and promiscuous, and much more functionally oriented. Technology is central. Creativity, strategy and tactics are merged in a more complex world of options. Everything behavioural can be, and is, measured. This creates a very different mindset especially because it is so quick and easy to experiment. It is a fundamentally social world where it pays, literally, to treat people with respect, the way you’d like to be treated. You do indeed require permission to market.

When it comes to developing an eMarketing strategy I pose 6 questions (because I have always seen strategy as the search for answers to questions e.g. what is my market, who are my competitors and customers, what are my core competencies?). Not sure how much sense this will make without the full explanation but here they are:-

1. What are you trying to achieve in terms of value exchange and with whom? (If an ecommerce business – what is your business model?)
2. What is this worth to you and how will you measure it?
3. What is your programme to experiment, optimize and learn – how much budget do you need to keep back for this?
4. Have you included technical in the team?
5. Have you considered all the options (tools, tactics, channels) to give the best chance of ‘creative strategy’
6. How will you manage the learning loop and deliver innovation?

I also highlight 4 key reflexes you need when developing an eMarketing strategy:-

Functionality – slippery, impatient customers demands things that deliver and digital competitive advantage is much more weighted to this.
Content – most of the time, what people want delivered is great content e.g. information, advice, tools and entertainment. No-one is going to go on to the internet just to see your great brand web site unless it delivers functionality and content.
Search – eMarketers spend a lot of time on this because if you can’t be found you’re wasting your money.
Buzz – momentum, the sense that a brand is the coming thing, has always been vital to successful brands. Apple have it, Microsoft don’t. Toyota has it, Ford don’t. You’re either hot or you’re not. In digital this kind of buzz is vital and consequently innovation (based on experimentation and increasingly collaboration) is the sine qua non of digital.

Finally I argue that there should be no such thing as a ‘lead agency’, only a lead client. So unless one’s need is purely digital – and it rarely is – I do not try to argue that an eMarketing agency should be your lead agency.  What I do argue strongly is that:-

eMarketing should always be at the top table.
eMarketing should be separate from, not subsumed by, your Ad Agency (even if they are owned by the same group).

My defense of these statements is based on two things.

1. The nature of digital requires it to be addressed right upfront and to be part of developing the marketing strategy rather than an after thought.
2. The way digital agencies work mean that they have a unique perspective to offer and they cannot be ‘mixed in’ with, or report to, other types of agencies.

So there you have it in less than 900 words (the full version is 15,000 – bet you can’t wait).

Any comments gratefully received but not too many otherwise I’ll never get it finished!

A Repositioning of Green Cars

Following Stame’s rather pathetic post on hydrogen powered cars and his claim that he is about to buy a Porsche (rubbish – he can’t afford a Skoda) I share a recent article from Mckinsey. In it they suggest that a bit of market segmentation could give a boost to sales of electric cars. A typical piece of McKinsey analysis reveals that different types of driving needs gives the opportunity to develop and position different kinds of electric cars. I fully approve of the use of market segmentation to reveal innovation opportunities. I am a real fan of segmentation and have always argued that it is a key reflex of a good marketer. Only by slicing and dicing the market in a different way according to different circumstances (who, what, why, when, where) can brands spot new ways to add value. But sadly this McKinsey work misses the point.

Firstly, most people are not in a position to operate a portfolio of cars. One car needs to be able to perform several functions and to be able to do so cost effectively. It must be an economical and practical car about town, a decent long distance ride, and a fair sized people carrier for when you need to cart of few mates or kids around. As the second highest capital investment that most people make, it must also hold its value well – something of a concern I suspect for the new alternative fuel or hybrid cars.

Secondly, cars are a big badge. Your choice of wheels makes a significant statement about you. Even people (and it is a small minority if you discount the liars) who say they really don’t care about cars still want a car that says they don’t care but they’re not stupid or poor either, so they buy an Audi. The Toyota Prius, which is frankly a bit of a con as a save the planet- mobile, has achieved its success because, thanks to the likes of Leonardo de Caprio, it gives you a great big Green Badge, a statement of moral superiority, albeit a misguided one. Whether you like it or not, and most do, the choice of car says a lot about a person.

I do think that the hydrogen fuelled car is probably the future, and I suspect other radical breakthroughs are around the corner. 95% of the energy a car produces is used to transport the car, not the passengers. The single biggest difference we can make to fuel economy is to light-weight cars which modern materials now allow us to do. But rather than a lightweight, hydrogen-powered Honda, I’ll wait for the Mercedes, the Porsche, the Audi or even the Renault – because they are brands that make the right statement (for me).

As a footnote, check out Rory Sutherland on TED.com. A really funny, clever talk where he makes the point that if the ‘greens’ want everyone to stop driving SUV’s they must ensure that every convicted paedophile is required to drive a Porsche Cayenne!

The Most Important Car Since The Car

I watched Top Gear the other night, the one where James May flew all the way to LA to test drive the new Hydrogen Honda, nick-named, ‘The Bomb’. He said it was the most important car since the invention of the car – bollocks. It was a really boring Honda Sedan that just happened to be powered by an  ‘alternative fuel’. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for reducing dependence on oil to screw the Arabs but I don’t believe it makes any difference to climate change or saving the planet. And if the price you pay is driving a Honda then you can count me out.

The most important car at the moment is the new Porsche Carrera PDK. The little acronym is kraut for double clutch. Don’t really understand how it works (2 clutches = faster gear changes I think). The point is it goes like shit off a shovel. The Porsche just got even faster. My bank balance is looking quite healthy at the moment thanks to all the work I am getting off the back of my eBooks so I thought I might treat myself to a new ‘porker’. Still the best super car on the road and as Dudley Moore said in that film about nutters who start writing TV Ads, “You can’t get laid in a Porsche, but you can get laid with a Porsche”.

Up Yours

Thursday’s Joke

A guy, Bob, boards a plane and finds he is sitting next to Cindy Crawford – can’t believe his luck! But then his luck changes as the plane crashes and he is the only survivor, washed up on a desert island. His luck changes for the better again when he realizes that there is one other survivor, the very gorgeous Cindy.

They make themselves comfortable, build a shelter and start to catch fish and lobsters in the lagoon, which they cook over an open fire. The second night on the island, after another day of swimming in the lagoon and enjoying a fine seafood supper, Cindy says to Bob, “Look it’s only you and me and it doesn’t look like we’re going to get rescued any time soon. You’re a nice looking guy, why don’t we make love?”.

And so it goes for the next few weeks. They sleep in late, wake up, make love, go swimming, catch some supper, make love again and then snuggle down by the open fire. Life is good.

But then one night, after they have made love and are sitting by the fire, Cindy notices Bob is a bit down. “What is it Bob, is it something I’ve done?”

“No, not all Cindy, you’re just wonderful, everything about our lives here is wonderful. I’m just being silly. It’s a stupid guy thing”
Cindy urges him to tell her what the problem is and eventually he confesses:

“It is just a stupid guy thing but I miss my mates”

Cindy says, “I totally understand Bob and I want to help you. Why don’t I, just for tonight, pretend I’m your best mate, what is his name?”

“Fred”, Bob says, “but Cindy you don’t look much like Fred!”.

At this, Cindy gets up, fetches some coconut oil and slicks back her hair. She gets cinders from the fire and smears them across her face to give herself a 5 O’clock shadow. She lowers her voice and says, “Hey Bob, it’s me Fred, your best mate”
Bob looks at Fred and says:-

“Here Fred, you’ll never guess who I’ve been shagging for the last month!”

Stame Reilly Shares his “Uncomfortable Business Truths” on World Tour

This viral thing is great – I don’t mean Swine Flu, I mean the way word spreads on the digital grapevine. This guy David Meerman Scott put me on to it. You write a killer e book (mine took me most of a weekend) punt it to a few of the right people and suddenly, before you can say “money for old rope”, you’ve become a pandemic and the offers flood in. My book, “That’s all very well but…“, exposes the truth in business, uncomfortable though they may be. Greed and fear are what drive innovation; most businesses succeed by getting from crap to mediocre; consensus management sucks; people swarm to new ideas like flies to a turd; everyone hates marketers for good reasons and most people in business lie like a cheap suit. These are the big ideas that everyone is latching on to. I have been offered so many speaking gigs ( 20 minutes to develop a quick powerpoint presentation, 40 minutes on stage, pick up the cheque and back to the suite in your first class hotel, all expenses paid – nearest thing to being a rock star) I am going to have to do a world tour. Davos want me for next year, TED.com have been chasing me, all the Top Business Schools are re-writing their MBA programmes to build me in, Footsie 50 Companies want me as the key note speaker for their senior management conferences. It’s this mometum thing I talk about in my book – once the ball starts rolling so does the cash.

I’m thinking of building in more of the rock start vibe. I’m having tee shirts done and special editions of my trade mark hat. I’m going to do encores rather than Q&A, there will be industrial quantities of drugs & alcohol after I come off stage. Of course I’ll be needing some groupees to help me blow the cash and anything else that takes their fancy. (If any of you girls are interested in applying here’s my selection process – put your hands behind you neck with your elbows sticking out and walk towards the wall – if your elbows touch first, don’t bother).

I have reinvented the business book and now I feel the need to reinvent business speaking. I’ve got my opening line (I pinched it from someone else). “Hello Chicago, it’s really great to be here and if I’ve been here before then its really great to be back”. I quite fancy a few Non Executive Directorships as well if anyone knows of any going – $100k a year to pitch up and pontificate at the odd board meeting then run for the hills when the shit hits the fan. My kind of gig. Business is diseased and I am the virus that’s going to fix it – spread the word. Up yours

What Do Agency Planners Actually Do?

I met someone at a party the other night and, pretending I cared, I asked them what they do. “I’m an Agency Planner”, they replied. And I said, quick as a flash, “I knew that, I asked you what do you do?”. Hilarious, at least I thought so. Of course I then got all the bullshit about ‘voice of the consumer’ and ‘helping to refine the brief’, ‘guardian of the brand values, strategic guidance etc etc etc’. She was quite pretty so I decided to be nice. ” I suppose I’m asking what do you do that other people aren’t supposed to do”. She looked confused. She was young, she worked for a BIG agency on BIG brands, she had grown up in a world where Agency Planners are the norm, accepted as an integral part of the ‘agency team’. She was sweet so she tried to explain it all to me. “I look at all the data and research on the brand and interpret what it means for the brand communication strategy”. Doesn’t the brand manager and research agency do that? ” I help craft the brief so the creative team really  understand what they need to deliver”. Doesn’t the account director do that? “I’m like the conscience of the brand, I think about long term direction”. Doesn’t the Marketing Director do that? She could see that I wasn’t getting it so she started to tell me about her qualifications. Turns out she had a good degree in psychology from a decent red brick university. “So why aren’t you a psychologist then, you could run focus groups?”

Seeing the conversation was leading nowhere she asked me what I do. “I’m an internationally acclaimed online writer and a business speaker in high demand – just about to embark on a ‘World Tour’ as it happens”. She smiled, a little too patronizingly for my liking. Had I written anything she might have heard of, she inquired with what I’m pretty sure was a smirk. “Yeah, I’ve written a top seller about the real truth in business, its got a great chapter on why everyone hates marketers. I’m just researching my next ebook, “How Agencies rip you off” and it’s going to have a chapter called “Agency Planners – as useful as a chocolate kettle”. I wanted to say ‘as useful as tits on a boar’ but it seemed unnecessarily rude. At this moment she spotted someone she knew across the room and made her excuses.

As she walked away, I muttered to myself, Up yours.

So You Want to Run an Agency?

A few months back I finally got round to writing an eBook about my views on running (and selling) agencies. It’s available as a free download on this site. I make it clear at the beginning that I don’t regard this as a seminal work. It’s just my views based on my experience from running The Added Value Group and working with many other agencies and consultancies over the years.

I always made it my business to quiz people in other businesses about all aspects of building and managing an agency, to see what I could learn. And some people have been kind enough to ask me. I have gladly offered my advice with the proviso that it’s just one point of view and that, like me, they should get lots of different perspectives and cherry pick what they think will work for them. For better or worse I have now written this all down and made it available, for FREE, to anyone who is interested. It covers all the important aspects, as I see them, from managing the people, winning and keeping clients, to the more prosaic stuff like what to call the agency and how to design the offices. There’s a chunky section on financial management and how/whether/when to sell the business.

A few heads of agencies I know have now read it and have recommended it to their colleagues – there are a few nice twitters floating around about it this week. So it can’t be complete rubbish. I stress it is a personal view, an input into a debate all good agencies should continually have – only the curious win. Stame’s eBook is funnier (and more profane) but if you run an agency, or aspire to, mine is perhaps more useful.

How to Deal With Spammers

I don’t know about you but I’ve been getting a stupid amount of spam emails from Chinese Electronics traders. I must receive about 3 a day, some are in Spanish for reasons I cannot fathom. My Spanish is a bit rusty but I think they are as badly worded as the ones that come in “English”. They start with ‘amigo’ as opposed to “Dear Friend”  – like that’s going to make me warm to them.

My policy has been to ignore and delete but lately I’ve started replying. It takes them no time just to click a button and send a billion emails around the world, one of which will clog up my inbox. So I hope my reply manages to waste just a little of their time. Especially since I always start by inquiring about some really big order I’d like to place. 

”Would you be able to supply me with 5 million Sony Plasm TV’s suitable for the blind and deaf?” 
”I’d like to purchase a squillion toasters that are able to work under water”. 
”Do you by any chance have Nokia phones for left handed people in stock?”.

That kind of thing. Being Chinese businesses I also make a point of stipulating certain conditions to do with their HR policy.

“In order to comply with our corporate social responsibility policy can I ask you to confirm that every member of your labour force is over 10 years old and paid more than $10 per hour”.
”Can you reassure me that no person in your company  is, or ever has been, a member of a left wing party guilty of human rights abuse?”
”For hygiene reasons we will need to ensure that no person who spits in the street or picks their nose has come into contact with these goods.”

My latest innovation is to ask for a favour. “In  return for my business, which you say you will highly value, can I ask you to sign a petition I have organised in support of China giving up all claims on Taiwan and Tibet”.

To date I have received no replies, but I like to think some senior person (aka grubby little trader) will have spent money having my reply translated and wasted time trying to figure out whether it’s genuine. A mate of mine pointed out that the laugh might be on me if they ever deliver my order and charge me for it. I agreed that’s a risk but one that is mitigated by the fact that I give them Sherrington’s address and credit card details.

Up yours.